you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
