So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
