He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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