I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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