Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
