Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
