Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize