Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
