Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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