I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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