Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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