Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize