I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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