I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize