I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
