Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
