Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
