and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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