Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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