sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
