You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
