Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
