i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
