I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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