Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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