i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I know her cup size but not her name....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
