u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
