People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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