somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
