Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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