So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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