marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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