Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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