Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
