So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
