Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize