I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
