moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
