I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize