I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
