im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
