found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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