at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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