What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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