My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
