I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
