Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
