My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
