thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
