thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
