That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
love makes seman taste better
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
