Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
