youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
