is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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