i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
