if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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