I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
