If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
