we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
