Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
