I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
