Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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