You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
