Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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