Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Michael Bay diarrhea
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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