if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
