I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
